The Choices We Make
by BonneNuit
Summary: For KenpachixIchigo day- 11/15. Ichigo is just a normal shinigami in the ninth division that gets into too many fights. He gets the choice of either being transfered to the 11th squad or going to a special prison. Please read all the warning!


**Written for KenIchi day- 11/15 I don't own Bleach or make any money off of this one shot.  
**

**Pairing: Kenpachi x Ichigo**

**I've been really depressed lately because of various things going on in my life right now, which I won't bore you with. That's just an explanation of why this one shot turned out this way. I was going to originally make this consensual, but it just didn't suit my mood. I really didn't hold anything back with this so it's really dark.**

**Summary: Ichigo is a Soul Reaper in the ninth division that always gets into fights. After a particularly destructive one that left nearly fifty wounded, Captain Tousen gives him the choice of either being permanently transferred to the eleventh division or being confined in the second division prison. Kenpachi uses Ichigo as a sex toy until Ichigo decides that he would rather be in prison than deal with it, making Kenpachi realize his feelings.**

**This is set in the Bleach universe, but it's under the premise that Ichigo never met Rukia and Aizen never betrayed Soul Society. Ichigo is dead, and is just a normal shinigami (but powerful, of course)**

**Contains: Sex, rape, cursing, violence, knife/sword play, small bit of blood play.**

**Just a note, I do not condone rape or think that falling in love with your rapist is healthy or realistic, this is just meant to be completely fabricated fantasy story.**

**Beta'd by Warrior Nun- thank you!**

The Choices We Make

Ichigo growled as he walked over to the eleventh division barracks. The fifth seat was going to be meeting him there in order to get him acquainted with his new squad. He was forced to either transfer to the eleventh division or go to his prison. Those were his choices. For such a shitty reason too.

Like most of the fights Ichigo got into, he was with Renji at the time. The two were fooling around and goofing off when smart ass from the third division started to make drunken comments about Renji and Ichigo. At first they just brushed it off, but when the idiot made a comment about Ichigo's mom being a whore, Ichigo reacted.

Shinigami from all three of their squads ended up joining in and it almost turned into a full scale riot until their captains stepped in. Kuchiki and Tousen weren't pleased, but Gin did have that fake grin on his face that could have meant anything.

So Ichigo was given a choice, not that it was much of one. Renji had told him stories of his days when he was forced to transfer to the same division, and for the most part it didn't seem bad… but it was just that he had chosen Tousen's division specifically because he wanted to help the world, not destroy it.

Ichigo met with the fifth seat Yumichika, who introduced him to the squad (a leering, tough looking lot). The captain and vice captain were nowhere to be found, but Yumichika reassured him that was probably a good thing at the moment sense Kenpachi would probably want to fight him.

When he did meet the captain, it was when he was sparring with Ikkaku in order to determine which seat he would be. He was giving almost as good as what he was getting and he felt almost content with the way Ikkaku gave it his all.

"You're a descent fighter."

Ichigo turned to look at the man who had spoken and instantly knew he was Zaraki Kenpachi. There was no mistaking that insane smile and large reiatsu that easily overpowered most shinigami. Luckily Ichigo had reiatsu to spare as well and wasn't fazed by it.

"What seat?" Kenpachi asked Ikkaku although he never took his eyes off of the captivating man with orange hair. Ichigo felt strangely naked under the gaze and fought the urge to shift.

"Fourth." Ikkaku answered immediately. "Ichigo is still learning too, he'll get even stronger quickly."

Kenpachi nodded his approval and then was distracted by his surrogate daughter who was demanding ice cream.

"The captain seems to like you." Yumichika told him later which had Ichigo flummoxed. He didn't know why that would be; he had hardly even spoken to the man.

He found out soon though, that it wasn't a good thing to catch Kenpachi Zaraki's attention. That meant a fight in which Kenpachi always ended up the victor and the other, well, not so much. However in Ichigo's case, Kenpachi's intentions weren't so chaste.

Ichigo had crossed paths with his captain in a dark alley and was barely aware that it was happening Kenpachi moved so quickly. One moment Ichigo was nodding politely at Kenpachi and the next he was thrown over his shoulder and being carried to Kenpachi's quarters.

"What the hell!?" Ichigo yelled and got his ass slapped hard. "Ouch! What the fuck do you want?"

"To fuck you." Kenpachi said bluntly and kicked open the door to his room as fear took Ichigo over and made him panic. Never before had he been in that type of situation, especially not with a male of Kenpachi's caliber. He was scared shitless.

"I don't want this!" Ichigo yelled as Kenpachi threw him down onto the bed. He lashed out at the captain, hitting him hard in the face. Kenpachi grinned and wiped his split lip before leering at Ichigo.

"You're just making me harder the more you fight me." He said and first tossed Ichigo's sword aside as well as his own. Then he grabbed a hold of Ichigo's belt and undid it hastily while Ichigo tried to stop him.

"Stop it already! Just because you're my captain now, doesn't give you the right to do this!" Ichigo said and gasped as shirt was yanked off of him and Kenpachi leaned down to bite his chest.

"Get off of me, you fucking pervert!" He redoubled his efforts to escape and managed to land a few hits, but nothing that actually fazed Kenpachi.

"If I had known Tousen had such a fine ass like you underneath him, I would have requested you sooner." Kenpachi said with a chuckle and began to take off Ichigo's hakama despite his protests. "It's been a long time since I've found someone as beautiful as you with high enough reiatsu to handle me." Kenpachi began to trail kisses down Ichigo's stomach, who felt humiliated and weak as his new captain touched him.

"Please stop…" He whispered in a raspy voice, but Kenpachi ignored him and flipped him onto his stomach.

"Now, Ichigo," Kenpachi practically purred, "we can do this with lube or without, it's up to you. If you keep fighting me I might just lose control and fuck you dry."

Ichigo tensed and clenched his jaw at the though before mumbling under his breath.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you." Kenpachi said with a smirk and held Ichigo's arms behind his back with one hand as he admired the slim yet strong body beneath him.

"Lube." Ichigo said a little louder although his voice was strangled.

"Good choice." Kenpachi nuzzled his neck which made his hairs stand on end at the feeling of Kenpachi's impossibly strong and hard body behind him. He leaned around Ichigo and pulled out a bottle of lube from under the pillow that looked like that it hadn't even been open yet. Ichigo wondered if the bastard had actually been planning it.

"Please, please don't do this." Ichigo said and to his relief he wasn't crying. "This is rape!"

"There is no way I'm going to let you slip away from me." Kenpachi growled and then two fingers were being shoved inside of him. Through the agonizing pain Ichigo wondered when Kenpachi had covered them in lube, but then all he could think about was trying to get away from the crazy man.

He stretched and strained his arms as Kenpachi was distracted with finger-fucking him. His sword was on the floor, but Kenpachi's was resting against the bedside table. His hand closed around the hilt of it and he swung it madly behind him at Kenpachi. Kenpachi caught the blade of his own zanpakuto with his hand and Ichigo could see the metal bite into his skin just enough to cause a trickle of blood. The sword vibrated in protest to its unrightfully holding wielder and Kenpachi jerked it out of his hands and threw it to the side.

"You're so feisty." Kenpachi held Ichigo down with one hand and quickly undressed. There were a couple of times that Ichigo almost managed to escape, but Kenpachi kept dragging him back. "Why are you so scared?" Kenpachi asked and he sounded honestly confused.

Ichigo said nothing but his eyes widened as he caught sight of Kenpachi's hard cock which he could only call monstrous. "No…no!" He screamed, hoping someone would hear him and come to save him. "Please stop!"

"Nobody can hear you in here." Kenpachi said as he lubed up his cock considerately and then flipped Ichigo onto his stomach. "My quarters had to be specially reinforced with special thick walls because of my reiatsu."

He parted Ichigo's ass with his calloused hands and slid his dick in between, the head rubbing at Ichigo's tight entrance teasingly. Ichigo tensed and clawed at the begging and began to tell him to stop again but it ended as a scream as Kenpachi shoved inside of him mercilessly.

Ichigo felt something tear within him despite the lubricant and actually let out a sob of pain. Kenpachi growled into his ear and slid into him completely until Ichigo could feel his balls resting against his perineum.

Kenpachi had never felt anything that was as tight and pleasurable as Ichigo. It was like Ichigo was made for him, with his tantalizing reiatsu and beauty that set Kenpachi on fire like no other. He wanted to dominate and possess him until he forgot everything and everyone except for Kenpachi.

Ichigo however felt very differently. He wanted nothing more than for the torture to stop. Ichigo fisted he sheets and buried his face in the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to block out the pain. Behind him, Kenpachi gripped his hips and thrust into him violently.

He let out a choked sob and tried to not think about what was happening, about what his captain was doing to him. But that was impossible with Kenpachi putting wet, sloppy kisses along his neck and reaching a hand around him to stroke his limp cock to erectness.

"Please stop…" Ichigo begged in a whisper and inhaled sharply at a particularly hard thrust.

"You're mine now." Kenpachi growled and dragged Ichigo up so he was straddling Kenpachi with his back to the captain's chest. "Whether you like it or not."

When he finally came inside of Ichigo it was like his come burned a sticky mess into his intestines and although he knew it was only in his rectum he felt sick to his stomach. Kenpachi jerked him off and then licked a humiliated and ashamed Ichigo's own jizz off of his fingers.

Ichigo slid off the bed with tears still wet on his cheek and managed to take a shaky step before Kenpachi grabbed a hold of him and yanked him back.

"We're not through yet." He growled and Ichigo whimpered as Kenpachi slid his fat cock into Ichigo's raw entrance yet again. The only thing he hated more than Kenpachi doing that to him was that he actually liked it.

…

Yumichika was looking for Captain Zaraki in order to give him a message, and that was when he found Ichigo. At first he just looked over the messy bed sheets and determined Kenpachi wasn't there, but then he saw a shock of orange that he recognized as Ichigo's hair. More curious than anything else about why their new fourth seat was in the Captain's bed, Yumichika went over to investigate.

He froze as he saw the claw mark's on Ichigo's back and the multiple bite wounds that looked like they were probably infected. Yumichika slowly pulled the sheets off of the shinigami who looked so small and fragile in Kenpachi's large bed. He immediately confirmed what he had feared from the blood and semen caking Ichigo's thighs.

With a heavy sigh, he steeled his stomach and his emotions and carefully wrapped Ichigo in the sheet and started to pick him up. Ichigo made a mewling noise and tried to pull away, although one quick glance to his closed eyes and furrowed brow told Yumichika he was still asleep.

Yumichika froze as he felt Captain Zaraki's dangerous and biting reiatsu that he hadn't noticed before because he was distracted by Ichigo's injuries. He turned slowly to face Kenpachi who was glaring at him with his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"What are you doing?" Kenpachi asked coldly and Yumichika swallowed harshly.

"He-he needs medical attention…" Yumichika stuttered and took a step back as Kenpachi walked inside and glanced at Ichigo who was still unconscious.

"I'll take care of him." Kenpachi growled and took Ichigo from Yumichika roughly. Ichigo gave another cry at the soft action and Yumichika could tell he was beginning to wake up.

Kenpachi glanced at Yumichika and held Ichigo tight to his chest. "Go get some healing salve from the fourth division. Don't tell anybody about this." He ordered Yumichika who plastered an expressionless look on his face and gave a short bow before walking out stiffly.

He glanced back and saw Kenpachi stroke Ichigo's hair tenderly before carrying him in the direction of the bathrooms. He ran the rest of the way to the fourth division.

…

When Ichigo woke up he was in a lot of pain. His whole body ached like he had a cold. Something was touching him where it hurt the most and he tried to squirm away but he was held still firmly. More awareness trickled into his mind and he realized that he was in something wet and warm. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked.

He was in a large bathtub that he couldn't remember getting into. Then he stiffened as he slowly remembered what happened the night before. He was completely naked in a bathtub, sitting on Kenpachi Zaraki's lap, his rapist. Who was also holding him still and moving a finger in and out of him.

"Stoooopp…" Ichigo whined and tried to push him away half heartedly but his muscles felt like they were made of lead.

"As tempting as you are, I'm just cleaning you right now." Kenpachi said and Ichigo thought he heard a hint of worry in his voice, but that would be crazy.

Kenpachi pushed in deeper with his finger and Ichigo whimpered and tried to shift away. "Hurts…" he said hoarsely, his throat raw from all the screaming he had done the night before and early that morning.

Kenpachi hesitated and then slipped his finger out. "You'll feel better soon." He muttered and hugged Ichigo tightly. Ichigo was vaguely aware that Kenpachi's hair was down and he actually looked more attractive, but that wasn't the important thing at the moment.

"Let me go." He said, feeling slightly stronger the more he woke up. "You can't keep me here."

"I don't need to." Kenpachi answered and before either of them could say anymore, there was a soft knocking at the door.

"Captain, I brought what you wanted."

Ichigo recognized Yumichika's voice and decided it wouldn't do any good to call out for help.

"Just leave it there."

Ichigo yelped as Kenpachi suddenly stood with Ichigo cradled in his arms. "Put me down, you bastard!"

"Shut up. You can't walk anyways."

Ichigo would have to concede that point, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing. Kenpachi set him on the bed with a lot more care than he had the night before and grabbed the things Yumichika had left. The scratches and bites were for the most part superficial, so Kenpachi decided to take care of the most pressing first.

He didn't bother to tell Ichigo what he was doing because he would probably freak out regardless, so Kenpachi wrapped an arm around Ichigo's waist to keep him still and then began to smear the salve around Ichigo's entrance. Ichigo yelled and shrieked as he tried to shove Kenpachi away, but as before Kenpachi wasn't in the least bit affected.

Kenpachi was having a hard time (literally) keeping it nonsexual as he pressed his fingers inside of Ichigo to heal there as well. His dick was throbbing from Ichigo's closeness and the noises he was making didn't help either.

His fingers reached deep, but not enough to reach all of the injuries Kenpachi inflicted. That was the reasoning Kenpachi used when he slathered his erection with the salve and pushed into Ichigo.

Ichigo screamed as Kenpachi pressed all the way inside and Kenpachi felt his heart twinge at the pain so obvious in it. But his pleasure easily overcame his guilt as he thrust in and out of Ichigo, opening the wounds that had at least clotted over. By the end of it Ichigo was sobbing and Kenpachi's cock was covered with blood and the salve for Ichigo's wounds.

"I hate you." Ichigo whispered as Kenpachi tended to the rest of his wounds and then tucked him into the bed. He was already falling unconscious again, something which both Ichigo and Kenpachi were grateful for.

Kenpachi got dressed and put his hair up in bells before going out to do his work. He had no fear that Ichigo would tell someone, his pride was broken enough as it was. Yumichika wouldn't either, although if the way he was glaring at Kenpachi now was evidence enough, he would be talking to Kenpachi about it.

Sure enough, halfway through the day Yumichika confronted him when he was alone.

"That boy is practically newly dead." Yumichika said and Kenpachi could hear anger in his voice that he didn't think he had heard before. "Not to mention very unwilling if the wounds were any indication. What the fuck were you thinking!?"

Kenpachi frowned and scratched his head. "I wanted him."

Yumichika snorted and rolled his eyes. For some reason Kenpachi felt he had to justify himself.

"I wanted him to be mine. For now and forever. And now he is."

"He will never be yours." Yumichika spat and Kenpachi felt like killing him for saying it. Rage licked at his reiatsu and Yumichika turned paled and took a step back. "Captain…" he said in warning and Kenpachi stood.

"He's mine. He was given to me and I'm going to keep him."

"He was given to you as a subordinate to a captain!" Yumichika said in exasperation. "You can't keep doing that to him, he won't survive it."

"He's strong." That was the last thing he said on the subject, at least to Yumichika.

Ichigo asked him quite frequently why he was doing that to him, and Kenpachi never really answered honestly. If he answered at all because it was usually in the middle of Kenpachi shoving his cock up Ichigo's ass.

Nobody caught onto the abuse (other than Yumichika) and most thought that they had a strong bond. Kenpachi didn't bother to hide the affection he held for Ichigo and Ichigo went out of his way to avoid and ignore Kenpachi. This worked rarely, Kenpachi always showed up to drag him off for more sex.

The other shinigami thought Ichigo was getting private training lessons since Ichigo was always sore and worn looking after an encounter with Kenpachi. Some may have suspected, but nobody said anything. Ichigo didn't either, as Kenpachi knew he wouldn't. Ichigo was ashamed he let another man do that to him and felt weak that he couldn't stop it.

His friends did begin to notice that Ichigo was becoming a bit depressed though. Rukia dismissed it as having to be in the eleventh division, but Renji suspected something else so he invited Ichigo out for drinks where he tried to pry it out of him. Ichigo was tightlipped and brushed it off, but he felt somewhat better for the talk. That was until Kenpachi caught Renji giving Ichigo a hug goodnight.

Kenpachi dragged Ichigo off with barely an explanation to Renji who waved after them and didn't think anything of it. Ichigo wondered what Renji would think of it if he knew that as soon as they were in Kenpachi's bedroom Kenpachi threw him onto the bed and tied his hands to the head board.

Ichigo thought that Kenpachi would do the usual thing, but his fear increased when Kenpachi unsheathed his sword.

"Kenpachi, whatever you're going to do, please stop!"

Kenpachi ignored him and very carefully pressed the tip of his sword onto the skin over Ichigo's heart. Ichigo let out a soft cry at the first cut but his sobs quieted down once he realized Kenpachi wasn't planning on carving his heart out. He didn't get the chance to see what Kenpachi had done before Kenpachi was on him.

His mouth covered Ichigo's and bite and licked at him as he wiped the blood from Ichigo's wounds and used it to cover his cock with. Ichigo let out a long, agonizing scream as Kenpachi entered him without any preparation and no decent lubrication. He was being split in half and he wanted to die rather than suffer through the pain.

Kenpachi didn't bother to make him hard or give him pleasure like he usually did either. He just kept raping Ichigo and raping him until Ichigo began to feel dizzy and cold from the amount of blood he was losing.

The eleventh division captain finally woke from his jealousy-induced rage that he had turned onto Ichigo in lust and anger. His bloody initials stood out against Ichigo's pale skin and Kenpachi frowned slightly as he noticed that Ichigo wasn't even conscious any more. He slipped out of Ichigo and his frown deepened at the blood trickling out of him.

Kenpachi had been getting better about having sex with Ichigo. He knew that Ichigo still didn't want it, but he knew Ichigo's body well enough to make him like it even though his mind didn't. He had even managed to make it so that Ichigo didn't bleed as much every time.

But now it was like he had thrown all of his tenderness and preparation down the drain in this even more brutal act that made Kenpachi feel even guiltier than before. Luckily he kept healing salve on had since that first time and he smeared it over Ichigo's major wounds (although he kept his initials and only cleaned them).

Ichigo's reiatsu though, was still flickering although it wasn't disappearing. Kenpachi scowled and very carefully released his own reiatsu, but instead of suffocating Ichigo's, he weaved it in his and connected them together. Ichigo's body relaxed a little which made Kenpachi grin and then lean over to kiss Ichigo's lips gently.

"I love you Ichigo." Kenpachi murmured, but Ichigo didn't say anything back. Kenpachi knew he wouldn't even if he was awake. It didn't change how Kenpachi felt though.

…

Ichigo couldn't take the pain and the shame any more. He knew that even if he told someone, there wasn't anything that they could or even would do that would change what was happening. It was his word against Kenpachi's and Kenpachi was a captain.

He didn't want to be in prison, but at least he wouldn't be raped anymore. Lately he had been…feeling things for Kenpachi, things that he knew were wrong and disgusting. The latest encounter with Kenpachi just cemented into Ichigo's mind that he could never have a normal relationship with Kenpachi.

…

When Kenpachi woke up, Ichigo was gone and Kenpachi had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He got dressed quickly and began to ask around where he was and Ikkaku said that he mentioned something about the second division.

Kenpachi's blood turned to ice as his suspicions rose and he flash stepped as fast as he could to where Ichigo was going. Hopefully he would get there before Ichigo did.

…

Ichigo walked to the second division slowly, still apprehensive of his fate. He wondered what his friends would say, what they would think. They would probably be disappointed in him, but he would rather they be disappointed than ashamed of how dirty Ichigo was.

He was intercepted before he could make it there. By none other than his tormenter himself.

Kenpachi slammed him up against a tree, looking very much like a demon as his golden eyes flashed and his mouth was twisted in a snarl.

"Ichigo." He growled and dug his nails into Ichigo's wrists. "If you are giving your life away so freely, then give it to _me."_

"You're the reason I want to in the first place!" Ichigo cried, and was very glad that they were in a deserted part of the woods that was outside of the second division headquarters. "I can't take it anymore! Why can't you just leave me alone!?" He shouted the last part in sobs and Kenpachi was shocked with the amount of emotional pain in his voice. Sure Kenpachi didn't have (too) many qualms about hurting people (including Ichigo), but the hurt in Ichigo's voice made Kenpachi's heart break.

"I can't leave you alone, Ichigo." Kenpachi murmured and wrapped his arms around Ichigo in a loose hug. "I love you."

Ichigo stiffened in his arms. "Don't- don't say that…"

"I love you." Kenpachi repeated and stared into Ichigo's confused brown eyes.

"Don't say that!" Ichigo yelled and began to beat at Kenpachi's chest in frustration. "Don't!"

"I love you." Kenpachi said for the third time and captured Ichigo's lips in a kiss, muffling his sobs. Kenpachi marveled at the salty taste and Ichigo gave a small hiccup as Kenpachi gently coaxed his mouth open.

Ichigo furrowed his brow and clenched his eyes shut as emotion poured through him. He was so tired. Tired of fighting Kenpachi, tired of running away, tired of denying what he really wanted…

He kissed back. He might regret it later, but right then it felt so good to have someone want him. To have Kenpachi want him. His body was sore and his ass ached from the most recent attack, but it still felt good to be in Kenpachi's arms. He was the first person to say that he loved Ichigo since he died.

Regardless of the awful things Kenpachi put Ichigo through; Ichigo felt something for Kenpachi as well. It made his chest hurt more than anything Kenpachi had ever done to him, and now kissing Kenpachi, it felt better than anything in his life and death as well.

Ichigo made a choice; he just hoped it was the right one.

**LINE**

**The end! Yep, Ichigo has feelings for his rapist, which isn't quite love yet (because I thought that was too cliché a way to end this story) but it's a start.**

**Please review! I want to know how everyone liked (or didn't like) it.  
**


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